E!! The True Conservative Story™

Quite a few readers have asked me if I read “the CATO ad/letter.” 

I did - and now you can, too.  (Can someone count the signatures, please…?)

Almost forgot to post this!  If you live in Nevada and want your name added to to the coalition letter below, email your name and location to chuck@chuckmuth.com 

Chuck will see that the names get added and the letter is delivered!

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A few readers have commented, some publicly and some privately, that they (1) found this post pretty funny, and (2) were a little shocked to learn that I am not always completely proper.  Or nice.  Some, like Local So-and-So, say they are a little annoyed to find they’ve needlessly been minding their manners around me.

I usually don’t use profanity because in general I’d rather emphasize points with clever phrasing and well-placed modifiers (adverbs and adjectives, for all you non-grammarians).  Once in a blue cheese moon, though, some sarcasm, irreverence and a curse word or three can come in quite handy.  A nice little Rant gets the blood flowing and lets off steam, and I think that’s fine – as long as Ranting does not become a habit.  (Then it just becomes tiresome.)

Occasionally something really rubs me the wrong way – like my daytime employer repeatedly pressuring me, and all its employees, to contact Congress and support their industry-related agenda, which as a conservative is not MY agenda.  I think it’s highly presumptuous and improper and possibly even in violation of some sort of employment law and have thus refused to comply.  And yesterday I had a little fun with my outrage.

In general, in terms of manners and rules here on E!!, I don’t mind a little “color” but don’t want any deliberate, personalized nasty-ness.  I do realize color is in the eye of the beholder, of course.

For an idea of what I find brilliant and loveable in terms of sarcasm, satire and the like, see Iowahawk.  He is one of our great modern-day scribes:  smart, scathing, derisive, outrageous, and funny like few can be.  His recent Senora Kennedy post had me laughing so hard and so long that my stomach ached and I had to pee.  (There is no higher praise when it comes to funny.)

I don’t claim to be living in the same comic galaxy as Iowahawk, and wouldn’t be silly enough to try to get there in my cute little cardboard rocketship.  Comic geniuses are like albinos:  very rare, and born (not made).  I admire Iowahawk from afar and despite the line he walks and often crosses, I am never offended.  In my book, funny covers a multitude of sins.

Anyway, for those who were shocked or disappointed by my letter, be assured that things like that are rare here on E!! – and know that your kind pardon, if granted, is appreciated.

I was recently encouraged, by the executives of an organization that shall go unnamed so I can keep my day job, to write a letter to my Congressman touting the benefits of the Fix Housing First Proposal.

Here’s my letter.

Dear Congressman (or woman)(or Dina Titus):

Rumor has it that you are considering additional action in re: to the housing market.  As I understand it, the Fix Housing First proposal consists of the following:

1.        The federal government will offer a gi-normous and historically unprecedented supercalifrajalistic tax credit to anyone buying a house in 2009, and anyone who took last year’s lesser tax credit or bought their house prior that can bite the proverbial Big One because they aren’t getting doodleley squat.  In essence, those retards who had the poor sense to purchase a domicile before you and your Wall Street pals f***cked the economy into a coma are SOL:  too bad, so sad, cry me a Hudson River, etc.

2.   In addition – and again, this is only for those bless’d and priveleged few who choose to buy homes in 2009 – the federal government will guarantee a super-sweet taxpayer-subsidized loan at a low, Low market rate of 2.99 or 3.99.  Those who were short-sighted enough to finance their homes at 5, 6, or 7% – what a bunch of losers!! – will just have to continue at those rates and hope that sometime in this millenium, they or their unfortunate descendants can break even…or at least not have to file bankruptcy and sell special personal favors out behind the local WalMart.

Naturally, as someone who enjoys being regularly screwed over by my elected officials, I support the Fix Housing First proposal.  In addition to priveleging a few citizens over the vast majority and attempting to artificially stimulate an entire industry with the taxpayer dollars OF that majority, it will effectively grind into dust my last vestiges of faith in fairness, equity, and the American Way. 

I now realize that virtues such as these are for fools and idealists, and I thank you for freeing me from the naïve weltanschauung that has enslaved me for the better part of my life.  Now instead of wasting my time aspiring to liberty and justice for all – what crack-smoking maniac thought up THAT ridiculous concept? – I can now embark on a life filled with bitterness, vitriol and rage and go to my grave cursing both man and God, as is only befitting of an enlightened person of the twenty-first century.

Congratulations on your confirmation into Congress, and if you pass the Fix Housing First bill, may your earthly blessings be exceeded only by super-special surprises stored up for you in the Seventh Circle of Hell.

Sincerely,

Citizen Sue

See my post over at Voter Fraud Squad.

Written Friday night, soon after scanning the latest polls and reading that Chris Buckley is casting a vote for Obama:

Rich ~ I ask your indulgence with this entire email.  I know we don’t know one another and that a handful of emails from me to you over the years, and you occasionally responding “thanks,” don’t really justify what is to follow.

But, you are the editor of National Review, and tonight I am a distraught conservative, so here it is:

I got tears in my eyes reading Chris Buckley’s whole post.

Chris seems cheerful enough about all this, so it’s not for him I cry. His dear father is no doubt quite content (and causing some kind of harmless mischief) in the great Hereafter, so no need for tears there.

I feel a sense of grief and loss; what is it…?

Chris Buckley is wrong; of that I am sure; but still it feels sad.

It seems to me that the splintering of the conservative movement, and its mixed political fortunes, and a sort of crisis of identity, have led us here. Fractured, floundering, weak, perhaps conservatism no longer knows what It is and so cannot inspire and compel as it once did. (I am so tired of talk of the Big Tent…)

It seems to me attempts at fusionism have (so far) failed: if McCain is the prototype and/or product, surely we must admit that? Chris Buckley admits it, with gusto: he now throws his hat in the ring for the uber-liberal senator from Illinois, saying Obama is preferable to the inauthentic and often unconservative McCain.

Is Obama to be elected and are we conservatives to be banished to the fringe, then, as we once were? For decades the establishment ignored us. Only because of Bill Buckley and then with Reagan did history really take note.

But what principle, what policy, what politician, what philosopher will unite us now?

From 1944 to 1991 we were held together by the glue of anticommunism. Barry Goldwater tried to carry the torch onward; Frank Meyer’s fusionism attempted the same and seems to live on in the postmodern pursuit of authenticity through freedom and virtue.

But. An inclusive doctrine – which conservatism has become – though seemingly practical, can lend itself to problems. Indeed, can anyone deny that we have landed ourselves in quite a spot?

When someone like Chris Buckely throws all hierarchies out the proverbial window and says he is voting for Obama, what then?

Has the postwar conservative intellectual movement lost its way; will it now become unrecognizable?

What has become of American conservatism?

An update on the ACORN story:  Nevada senator John Ensign is calling for suspension of taxpayer dollars to that questionable organization.  See here:

“ENSIGN URGES FEDS TO STOP PAYMENTS TO ACORN”   posted by [Rich Lowry] @ The Corner

Washington, D.C. – In a letter to the Federal Housing Finance Agency (FHFA), Senator John Ensign today called for the suspension of taxpayer dollars that ultimately end up in the hands of such controversial groups as ACORN, the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now.  ACORN, which is under investigation, is eligible for Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac affordable housing funds, which add up to hundreds of millions of dollars a year.

“With the government takeover of Fannie and Freddie, the government will be taxing itself to create a backdoor slush fund, and we must prevent these taxpayer dollars from going toward ACORN,” said Ensign.  “With the recent news tying ACORN with voter fraud, suspending these funds is even more urgent.”

As part of the Housing and Economic Recovery Act of 2008, Fannie and Freddie are required to provide funding for newly created affordable housing funds.  This was signed into law prior to the government takeover of the two agencies.  Now that the government owns Fannie and Freddie and may provide them with up to $200 billion, taxing these companies does not help create stability, which is the goal of FHFA.

A search warrant was served today on the ACORN Headquarters in Nevada as part of an ongoing investigation into whether employees used false addresses or false names as part of their voter registration operation.

The letter was sent to James Lockhart, the Director of the Federal Housing Finance Agency today.  As the regulatory agency overseeing Fannie and Freddie, FHFA has the authority to stop these contributions to the affordable housing funds.  Senators Michael Enzi, Jon Kyl, David Vitter, Pat Roberts, Tom Coburn, John Thune and Jim DeMint signed the letter with Ensign.

See Rich’s post for the text of Ensign’s letter.