E!! The True Conservative Story™

Here’s an amusing anecdote from my friend E.M.:

So I’ve been visiting friends in Louisiana for the last few days; partly to catch up because I haven’t seen them in forever, and partly because I love Mardi Gras – and thanks to a special surprise, I was actually able to go this year and enjoy it.

I love everything about the South: the food, the pace of life, the fact that my skin doesn’t get dry and that people walk around with funny hats on for no reason and don’t get self-conscious. But most of all, I love it because of interactions like this:

We were sitting around the kitchen table after Bacchus, when a two year old child came running in brandishing a toy shotgun (with real cocking and smoking action!), aiming and firing at nothing, shortly followed by his mother.

Mother: “Give me that gun!”

Child: “No!”

Mother: “Give ME THAT GUN!”

Child: “No!”

Mother takes the gun.

Child cries.

Father (from Kitchen Table): “Give him back that gun, Nancy Pelosi!”

Another child (also from Kitchen Table) bursts into tears: “Don’t call mama that, Daddy!!!”

Jonah is especially funny today.  What can I say, I’m a sucker for Star Trek references:

Moreover, many actually believed Obama’s own hype. This was the moment for this, that and the other thing. This was the time when we, as Americans, were going to have our cake and eat it too. Future generations were going to look back and remember how Republicans and Democrats, cats and dogs, Klingons and Romulans came together and marched to the sunny uplands of history, where shopping carts have no wobbly wheels; airplane food is free, delicious, and filling; and we get all of our energy from 100 percent renewable Loch Ness Monster poop.

My Uncle David, who lives in the state with the best motto – Live Free or Die – just forwarded this to me; I assume it came to him the same way (not sure the source).

CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to
mistake himself for a financial genius

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no
allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants
as the market keeps crashing

BROKER — What my broker has made me

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your
assets equally between themselves

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks

CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears
down the toilet

YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker
for $240 per share

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who
bought Yahoo @ $240 per share

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked
up in a nuthouse

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use

Seems Spike Lee can still be counted on to spew goodish moronic Leftist idiocy.  Here speaketh he on the deity of the Obama:

You can divide history. BB Before Barack. AB After Barack.

And, for that time in history during which we endured Barack’s campaign speeches:  BS.    

From Blue Collar Muse today:

The ol’ “Toca del Sombrero” for this Friday Funny goes to Bob R. via email…

1. Open a new file in your computer.
2. Name it ‘Barack Obama’.
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you: ‘Do you really want to get rid of ‘Barack Obama?’
6. Firmly Click ‘Yes.’
7. Feel better?

GOOD! – Tomorrow we’ll do Nancy Pelosi…

Now THIS is funny.  (Read the whole list of suggested slogans for the photo and possible Democratic presidential ticket of…Barack Obama and George Clooney.)

UPDATE:  Nicky Cheese picks one I also like Best:  ”The experience of Chicago street politics, with all the morals of Hollywood.”

Check out these signs.  (Hat tip to Ramesh on The Corner at NRO)  LOL